When you decide to take a course of action and stick to it, you become aware. Aware of lies. The lies you tell yourself and the lies others tell you.
There are many way you can when this happens. Some of them including just caving into the lies and ignoring all signs that it is not working which requires alot of work but is quite easy. Or you can find the truth. This is very time consuming and can be quite disheartening after a while you start to lose faith in your fellow human beings. You start to lose faith in yourself as you realise all the tings you have been telling yourself is all untrue then you wonder what the hell you are doing here, in this space. You may wonder, what is the point of your life.
When I got to this point my first thought was, oh my goodness, you are so idle/ you have got so useless, you are now asking the meaning of life.
The next thing I thought was, what if I came to the conclusion and I was useless and I did not affect anyone in any dramatic or relevant way. Why should I be here. Etc.
Then I decided not to think anymore.
That works.
